Work Stories #2: "U Pick 2 and the Double Caesar Salad."

Hey gang,

To start off this post, i'm going to begin to describe just how the cashier behind the counter feels about you, from first glance, right as you walk in the door.

They hate you.

One of the biggest tips I have for anybody who has yet to have a job, specifically in retail or fast food, is to hate everybody that comes into your shop, no matter how big their smile is or how politely they say hello to you. Do not show your hatred for them, just feel it deep inside. It makes it easier to deal with any bad customer when you brace for it from the beginning.

It was a particularly busy Sunday afternoon, I get in at around 2:00 o'clock. My shift was until 10:00. I get in around that time the lunch rush is finishing up, but since everyone working before me had been up from either 6:00, 7:00 or 8:00 they were eager to leave. So right as I clock in, I am faced with a line of customers and no other help is to be seen, except if I looked at the door and saw everybody leaving. 'Okay, nothing I can't handle.' I foolishly thought as I asked to help the next person.

Unfortunately whenever I begin a shift, I become really nervous for the first five or six transactions. I just have to settle into my surroundings, even though i've worked at Panera for about 6-7 months, 20+ hours a week.

Also, just to clarify, a U Pick 2 is a popular option at Panera where you can pick two items, from a 1/2 sandwich, a 1/2 salad, or a cup of soup, hence the name 'U Pick 2'. Since the sign on the menu lists all three possible items next to each other, confused morons come in asking for all three items or asking why they can only pick 2 or why they cant just get half of a sandwich. It is annoying as hell.

A large lady (what is it with large ladies being mean to me???) and her smaller but equally massive husband come up to the register. The lady looks about 50, with a short haircut which was obviously dyed red and too much makeup on her cheeks. Unfortunately I was not braced for her, because I just clocked in. She begins by not responding to my hello in any way, shape or form and begins to bark her order.

Lady:'I need a U Pick 2 with two caesar salads.'

Me: 'I'm really sorry, but you can only pick one salad in the U Pick 2.'

Lady: *silence and confused look*

Me: 'I'm not trying to argue with you (yes I actually said that) but the register will not even allow me to put two caesar salads. We can easily take a full salad and put it on two plates for the half salads for you, and its actually cheaper. There is no benefit of putting it in the U Pick 2 anyways.'

Lady:'Don't argue with me young man, I want a U Pick 2 with two caesar salads. I get it all the time and I don't see the problem.

Me:'I can't physically put it into the computer and the line ladies will not make anything that doesn't show up on the screen. I'm not trying to argue but I'm telling you its cheaper to buy the full-'

This is where I become interrupted by the lady, which I will now refer too as 'The Moronic Behemoth'.

TMB:'I WANT MY FUCKING U PICK 2 WITH TWO CAESAR SALADS! DONT ARGUE WITH THE CUSTOMER! WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMNED MANAGER?!'

Me:'Just a minute, he'll be right out.' I said as politely as I could, trying to remain mature to show everyone in the restuarant (now staring at me) that the lady was indeed crazy as hell.

Then Brian came out. Brian is one of the coolest managers you could hope to have. Unfortunately Panera's policy for when a customer is pissed isn't 'defend your employee', its 'you have to kiss their ass and don't say anything to defend your employee or you are fired.' So he comes out, pissed as hell since some lady was yelling at me, and all he could do was attempt to explain to this moron that you can't have a U Pick 2 with two Caesar salads. After yelling at him that he doesn't know how to do his job he finally gives in and says to just charge the lady for a u pick 2 with one caesar salad and he told the ladies to make two half salads.

Then the lady says 'finally I get what I fucking asked for!' as she waddled to her seat. And there was her husband, still standing there, waiting to make his order and pay for the food. It was intensely awkward, but I still had my peppy subserviant voice on that I use on customers and gave him a big smile when he was done ordering.

I then proceeded to hide in the back until they finished eating. Brian said this when the lady left:

'Hey Sean, you can come out now, crazy lady left.'